It has been a while since my last post due to the wedding preparations and all the stresses related to it (you would know what I mean if you had one). It was all worth it and I never thought I would say this phrase and something that cheesy but it has been the happiest and best day of our lives! 🙂 I am so very grateful for this day and people who have been around us at the wedding to make it abroad during coronavirus pandemic.
Today, however, this is not a topic of this post. The very opposite to the happiest days and weddings. Today I would like to talk about what some would say a controversial subject of jealousy.
Not to be confused with envy, being envious of what other people may possess but a typical human experience in relationships.
Is it simply a feeling of insecurity or a sign of deep passionate love? Do we all feel jealous but act like we are not because we think we are more intelligent than that? Does it mean they don’t love you enough if they seem to be indifferent when it comes to situations that should make them feel jealous?
It is not that many decades ago that people perceived jealousy as a sign of love and many believed, even thrived on the feeling of jealousy and seen it as a sign of love. Even these days if we look at certain cultures and religions jealousy is a very frequent visitor and I have experienced it myself in one of my relationships.
These days people are intelligent and smart, most people understand that it is not necessarily right or healthy to be/feel jealous in relationships. In some cases people have a conflict between the mind and the heart where they suppress emotions because the mind tells us this is how it should be.
If you do happen to feel jealous try not to suppress your emotions as it can be stored in your body and lead to physical and mental distress. Try to understand what those emotions are telling you? What is it that you need to address? Is there something that needs to be resolved in your life and it comes out in negative emotions?
There are a number of reasons why people experience a feeling of jealousy:
- low self-esteem
- perfectionism
- broken trust in the past
- broken trust with current partner
- not trusting yourself
- childhood trauma (seeing it when growing up and repeating the pattern)
In order to solve a problem you first need to acknowledge it. You should try and understand what that problem and feeling are trying to tell you. What is it trying to solve/heal.
If you need to work on self-confidence and self-esteem make a list of what your partner loves about you. What your friends and family love about you. What do you love about you?
Are you unsure of yourself because of perfectionism? It can be useful to list your insecurities and may be stay away from instagram for some time, at least a week. It is often the imperfections that makes your partner fall in love with you in the first place.
If it is a childhood trauma, get the help you need to overcome it. With the right help you can transform it into your strengths.
If your partner has contributed to you feeling jealous in your relationship try effective communication, where you both listen deeply to each other, empathise and understand each others needs and perspectives. Find a solution together which would be beneficial for both.
A little bit of jealousy can potentially contribute to a relationship if used as a positive. However, an extreme feeling of jealousy is a negative emotion and can stop you from being fully open, fully vulnerable, fully you. It stops you from experiencing all the joys a relationship brings without any barriers.
It can be hard to let go of jealousy, it will require time. All it often is a habit you are used to. Get in touch if you need help and find it difficult to let go.
HEAD & HEART MATTERS 